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At , experience the pulse-pounding excitement of Mic Check." (audio technician): "Check 1, 2, Oprah, Oprah..." (voice-over): "At , catch Screaming Nut Job Crazy Hour." (clips): screaming nut jobs (voice-over): "And at , don't miss Backwards Oprah." (clip): Oprah talking backward (voice-over): "OWN: Where ••• desk chat: 1. Boehner obviously needs counseling to deal with his sobbing problem. Paul interjects with the thought that the pages aren't numbered because you can adjust the font size, thereby changing the number of words per page. Oz picks out quite a load of carbohydrates in the mix. He grabs Tony's cue cards, dumps 'em and rolls back offstage.
Dave shows us that the birds' wings are on backward. He first thought the birds happening was perpetrated by high school kids. Dave compliments Oprah for building a girls' school in Africa. (I guess it's different from a PDF, which retains the original numbers.) ••• Top Ten Things Overheard During the Republicans' First Day in Charge of the House ••• Dave has the i Pad™ at his command module. ••• Birds are falling out of the sky all over the place.
Before Oprah's shows, the staff all gather in the control and hold hands. ••• Jennifer Connelly plugs The Dilemma, a film by Opie Taylor. She's a stunning beauty, and she always has cool adventures (or mishaps) to tell us about. / Photoshop fun: There's one of 'em, legs up, on the hair of Amy Winehouse. Eddie Brill delivers dinner at 21 to an audience member. I was on the tour and got lost." (clip of stunned members of Congress) (Joe does his signature wrong-way exit.) (graphic): CNN logo ••• Alan Kalter with Big Show Highlights and, "Attention New York City tourists. ••• Top Ten Little-Known Facts About John Boehner ••• Out of commercial, Dave says, "I feel refreshed." A little big later, he says, "Half hour to get a banana." Apparently there was all kinds of spontaneous stuff going on between acts, and the CBSO must have put on a mini-concert. Dave gives a big shout-out to Bruce Kapler of the CBSO. Dave starts smashing stuff with the three-foot gavel: ••• Seth Rogen plugs The Green Hornet.
Back in 2010, Harry Letterman got Sully, part Yellow Lab, part Satan. Please, if you know who this portrait belongs to, please call the Times-News. ••• Act 5 Audience Pan ••• Bill Cosby interview and stories from college ••• The Black Keys sing. And then a Warning Warning Watch Warning, and then a Watch Watch. ••• monologue: "More dead birds last night: the Oregon Ducks." (Auburn beat Oregon in the national championship football game.) ••• It's another of Tom De Lay's weeping buddies. Wait a second." (clip): Someone wipes a goofy-looking thing aside, and we hear the squeaky sound you hear when you're cleaning a window with Windex® and Bounty®, The Quicker Picker-Upper™. We now return you to Webster, already in progress." (voice-over): "Be sure to pick up a copy of A Shore Thing, the debut novel of everyone's favorite Jersey Shore cast member, Snooki." (clips of various staff members) (voice-over): "Use it to prop up a wobbly table. " When Dave finds something he likes, he goes with it. For example, he once bought 2,000,000 pairs of socks that he liked. All of a sudden, for the last three weeks Dave can't get it to stick to his face, so he appointed his assistant, Brenda, to call 'em today, and they claimed they're having nozzle trouble. ) ••• back to the TTL ••• Vince Vaughn plugs The Dilemma. She is awesome.) ••• Mike Wolfe and Frank Fritz plug the History Channel's American Pickers. 1/12/11 : interruption: Two warmly-dressed rascals wielding snow shovels approach Dave. ••• Dave has some colorful, elbow-length Vet-Pro™ gloves for handling some of the critters Jungle Jack Hanna is about to bring out. ••• Act 5 Audience Pan ••• Pauley Perrette plugs NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service. Sunshine, and gives us too much information about current medical procedures. Chris says of his daughters, "I'm very proud of both of them," then goes on to say, "I've gotta tell you, the first time that Abby was announced on SNL, I was so proud, but the... the proudest moment for me was when you announced her and she came out on this show." ••• The National sing. 2/02/11 : Photoshop fun: It's Mayor Bloomberg as a groundhog. I'm standing backstage in front of a green screen." (Dave): "Uh huh.
If no one claims it by September 1st, we will do something with it." ••• outside cam: an awesome helicopter shot from above a New York City bridge ••• Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi presents the Top Ten Reasons to Buy the New Snooki Book. I'd never heard of it, but they go around and buy junk that they turn around and sell as movie props, crap for interior designers, etc. At least they're not hoarders, who'll save their gum wrappers, pizza boxes, dead pets, etc. "We'll shovel your sidewalk for twenty bucks," the one with the more-ridiculous hat offers. Jack has a Zorilla (striped polecat), a little joey (kangaroo) and a Binturong (Malaysian bearcat that smells like popcorn, and can kill a cobra). ••• "Alan Kalter's Super Bowl Preview" / (Dave): "OK, Alan, take it away! ••• monologue: Charlie Sheen's home is known as Villa de Kilo. And, do you have any information on the latest developments at all, Bob?
••• Act 5 Audience Pan ••• Paula Abdul plugs the upcoming premiere of Live to Dance, on CBS.
Dave once again is disciplined with the Late Show aaoogah horn for referring to Simon Cowell as a douche bag.